God's words to Ezekiel, after he instructed him to prophesy to the Nation of Israel...

When I say to a wicked man, 'You will surely die,' and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for  his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood.   Ezekiel 3:18 (NIV)

Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before him, he will die. Since you did not warn him, he will die for his sin. The righteous things he did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for his blood.   Ezekiel 3:20 (NIV)

when God calls us to something, it's not really optional. What defines the sin is the lack of ignorance...If we know God is asking something of us, and we don't do it, than we are knowingly disobeying.

My RUDE AWAKENING...

RE: Officership

Just when I thought I had things settled, or should I say: Just when I had numbed myself from feeling the conviction of it; God planted a fresh lot of conviction on me!(And got me thinking that I mighten be in God's will, by refusing to persue things forward...)

So anyway, I just started reading the book of  Ezekiel (OT), and I done so while right in the middle of trying to decide 'again' if I ought to persue the whole Officership thing...so here's where my mind went:

Chapter 1: 'The Creatures'

Each one went straight ahead. Wherever the spirit would go, they would go, without turning as they went.  Ezekiel 1:12 (NIV)

I never got all caught up in the description of these creatures, but rather my mind directly lead me to think about the fact that these creatures were moving forward (not looking back) and were filled with the Spirit...(We could learn something here!!!)  and they were like light. (directly reminded me of our witness.) The other thing I thought of when it described these creatures' animal faces, was symbolism of certain characteristics associated with the different animals... (Yeah, I know - Totally reading into things...not to be taken literally...but this is where God took me... call it his personal message to "me")  

• Lion ~ I thought of 'courage.'
• Ox ~ I thought of 'strength' and 'persistance'
• Eagle ~ I thought ot 'Grace' ('cause hey, Eagles are pretty 'graceful' when they're flying)

So Chapter 1 Message:  Filled with the Spirit, move forward with courage, strength and persistance through the Grace of the Lord without looking back. (That's pretty plain!)

Chapter 2:

And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their words. Do not be afraid, though briers and thorns are all around you and you live among scorpions. Do not be afraid of what they say or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious house.  Ezekiel 2:6 (NIV)

Ezekiel's call. Okay, so to paraphrase it: God laid it out what he wanted Ezekiel to do (which at the time was to address the nation of Israel, for their stubborness and rebellion.) He basically told Ezekiel that it wasn't going to be easy (Ah! I could relate to that!)...But he kept on repeating "Do not be afraid" (verse 6) .... So I thought: Could it be that God is calling me out of my comfort zones and telling me NOT TO BE AFRAID? ("Fear" is a very BIG factor with me, and the whole F/T ministry thing.)

Chapter 3:

This chapter really relayed the message to me that IF GOD CALLS US TO DO SOMETHING, AND IF WE DISOBEY OR NEGLECT TO DO SO, THAN HE'S GOING TO HOLD US ACCOUNTABLE...That's a pretty daunting thing, knowing that If I'm called to F/T ministry and I fail to do so, than I'm going to be held accountable for the many people who my ministry may have reached.  (At least that's where my mind went.) Read Verses 18 - 21... very straight forward.

Alot to swallow. Alot to contemplate. Alot of responsibility. Alot of conviction.

  --- that's what I'm doing now.

It's true that this road I travel,

Sometimes takes me places I don't want to go...

It's true that I'm sometimes reluctant,

And really don't want others to know...

But in His Word I was reminded

That if I refuse to do His will

That not only will the poor sinner die,

But I'd be held accountable still!

The Lord called me to an awesome task,

I'm afraid, and doubt sometimes slows my way;

But that doesn't mean God changed His mind,

And so he convicts me each and every day!

It's an intense struggle that's within,

It burdens me right to my very soul;

To feel that I am outside of God's will

Desperately trying to figure out what will make me whole!

He has called me --- Or at least that's what it "seems"

But at this point, I don't really know;

So the ONLY thing I know to do

Is to try, and see if I'll be accepted to go...

Where He leads me, I will follow;

Even though my faith at best is poor;

And although it is a struggle;

I'm learning to trust him more and more!

*After thought: At this point, I don't care if the door gets slammed in my face (RE: Officership)...All I know is: I "have to go through the process" - to come out of my comfort zone, to face my fear, to get pass the ongoing struggle I've had; Simply to find closure. (Whatever it may be) I'm too exhausted to really see any other goal.